It’s really nice knowing that after so many years as friends, after going through our individual trials and group tribulations, after experiencing life-changing… well, changes, and after traversing our divergent paths, we can still be the same with one another. We can still talk about the things that worry us the most; we can still walk around aimlessly, content in one another’s company; we can still be ourselves, without the uncomfortable masks.
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.- Robert Frost
I think the line between good and great friends lie in the fact that great friends will do everything possible to try and nudge their friends towards the path that they believe will do them the most good. It may not be the easiest, but I guess difficulties sometimes exist to show that something is worth fighting for.
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On a separate note, Y Camp visit today was rather enlightening! It’s nice to understand things from a different perspective, and I feel that we’re so often lost in the overly-exaggerated emotions and narratives of our individual chronicles that we fail to consider the less fortunate.
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Ah, and now that Run Ting has bought herself a digital camera, I think Taiwan trip will suddenly see a rise in potential number of camwhorish moments. Not that I mind, of course :D The combined prowess of Soph, Run Ting, Hui Min and Royce will definitely capture many of our (I foresee) best moments in film - though I guess ‘byte’ might be a more appropriate noun. Well, Chin Yang, Wai Sum and I shall do our best to cheer on the honourable efforts of our comrades (:
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As we grow older, we find ourselves more conscious of the multiple sides to ourselves and how these selves submerge into or diverge from one another to the cadence of life’s rhythm. There is a child-like side of me that is not afraid to ask the important questions, to embarrass oneself, to explore the knowledge of the universe, to tease and be teased, to act on matters deemed ‘nonsensical’, and to soak in the unparalleled beauty and symmetry of life.
There is also the intellectual side of me that likes to muse about life, love and the universe, to read up on tons and tons of information on things both esoteric and frivolous, to experience the gaping regret of hindsight travels, to understand individuals and why they do the things they do, to analyse situations and interpret context, to introspect and to identify changes, and to look for new forms of knowledge to be excited about.
I think individuals are vessels in which our multiple personalities reside and share the common threads of memory and history.
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This will, in all likelihood, be the last post on this blog.
I have been struggling to motivate myself to update my site template in the past month to little avail. A brief sketch has been drawn but that’s about it. The hardwork is yet to be done. Hence, until I have completed my next template, it’s sayonara from me (: A notice will be posted when I’ve successfully migrated to http://www.nicholastong.com!
Risk-taking seems to be a dominant feature of our DNA. We beat the traffic to reach the incoming bus. We run up and down the stairs. We sleep too little and work too much. We test our limits. We step out of our boundaries. We don’t listen enough. We shut others out. We gamble with our relationships. We pretend that everything is alright. We say things we are not sure of. We make-believe. We share a look. We chance a touch. We fall in love. We dream a dream.
But some things just aren’t worth risking.
Yet we do it all the same.
We live in so many different worlds: the physical world, where the contours of reality are defined by natural laws and shaped by our actions; the hopeful world, an imagined and plausible construct where our hopes and dreams meld to form a semblance of reality; and the fantasy world, a chimerical creation forged upon frivolous impulses, hidden desires and unusual visions.
Reality can be upsetting and disappointing, at times. Asymmetrical treatment, herculean expectations, abrupt betrayals, unparalleled challenges, mercurial relationships, shape-shifting priorities, frivolous promises, debilitating losses, as well as other vagaries of life, can blunt even the strongest of spirits.
This is where our worlds of imagination come into play. Their reality, or lack of reality, is not important. What is important is that they are there. They provide an alternative representation of life - a refuge against the painful reminders that life isn’t always a bed of roses, a chance for a better tomorrow as we continue to hold life to its unfulfilled promises. They inject meaning to our lives. They do not exist, and perhaps that is all that matters.
And what is it that sustains them?
It is hope - the imaginary flower that blossoms in the thunderstorm of drenching fear, in the winter of paralysing loss, in the cusp of unexpected change.
As I sped across the viridian beauty of East Coast Park on my purring bike, my distracted mind stumbled upon a little epiphany about the age-old story about the race between the tortoise and the hare:
The moral of the story behind the tortoise and the hare tale is not that being slow and steady will win you the race, for the 99 races after that were won by the hare. The real message is that YOU ONLY GET LUCKY ONCE - make the best of your opportunities and SEIZE THE MOMENT WHEN IT COMES… because you’ll never get another chance like that.
And yes, this applies to life, love and the universe.
Inspiration is the engine of life. Just watched a couple of magic performances which have amazed me till no end… I AM INSPIRED! Interest may have lighted the first spark, but it is inspiration that will fuel it into a blazing inferno.
The fascinating thing about inspiration is that anyone, at any moment, can plant the unknowing seed of inspiration in another, which may in time grow and blossom into a botanical wonder. All of us have within us the innate ability to rouse and inspirit others! How awesome is that?
Unfortunately, this ability lies wastefully dormant most of the time, left untouched either by conscious choice or unknowing ignorance. But you could change that. All it takes, I believe, is the first step of rising above the insipid masses and the potential will begin to unlock. Try it for yourself!
- Take on a new interest. You will often end up creating more opportunities to encounter the many surprises in and of life!
- Be involved in the community and volunteer your time to help others. You will be surprised by how much you gain by giving!
- Start a new project by yourself or with friends. One part of inspiration lies in the dynamic flow of ideas. Be amazed by the mercurial source of creativity lying within you that has always been waiting to be unleashed onto the world!
- Do something you have never expected yourself to do. Create a personal website or blog; print business cards for yourself; reserve your personal domain name; join an online community of like-minded people; organise an outing for a group of good friends. The possibilities are limitless!
In fact, the word ‘inspiration’ can be likened to inspired actions, so start working your magic on your life today! Take charge and be charged :D
Perhaps it is the moment when the heart flutters at the sight of that ethereal smile;
Or when the willowy silhouette calls to mind a thousand verses of lovelorn poetry.
Perhaps it is the moment when the heart grows warm at the brush of the maiden’s precious sigh;
Or when the velvety touch of her fingers feel so right in the spaces between yours.
Perhaps it is the moment when the aroma of romance lingers for seconds too long in the folds of the mind after chance meetings;
Or when the perfume of scented shampoo summons dreams and hopes for intertwined futures with her.
When does love begin?
Love is as much a matter of choice as a matter of circumstance. Sometimes, we postpone decision-making for too long and find ourselves losing sovereignty over the choice. In fact, we could wait forever for a fateful moment only to find it fizzling in an instant of misunderstanding; or we could act on an impulse only to invite for unwarranted consequences.
Life is too puzzling and spontaneous for mere mortals like us to divine and predict the future using whatever scraps of knowledge we have glimpsed. Yet, perceived conventions, imagined anxieties and crippling indecision often conspire to blind us from seeing the choices that have always been in front of us.
Perhaps all we really need is someone or something to tell us what we should do, and to be the traffic light of our speeding hearts - to tell us when to go, when to stop, and when to slow down.
The moment - unknowingly, unexpectedly - might have crept surreptitiously into your life. And there’s little you can do about it but to make up your mind.
When the present is stillborn, we look towards the future for hope and inspiration. I have been thinking about it recently - my future, career prospects, quality of life, ways to earn a living, and other related issues. How do I wish to define my life? What will the story of my life be? Can I marry my ideals to reality?
Traditional conventions suggest that success is a lonely endeavour. To break into the pinnacle of any field or discipline, we must first be willing participants in the sacrifice ritual of our previous conceptions of fun and entertainment, which we have been conditioned to have since young. Perhaps it might be true to say that the average have varied modes of entertainment whereas the exceptional only have one - which is the very thing that they aspire to achieve greatness in. This is also the villain/witch/dragon they must slay to arrive at hero-hood and hence eviscerate that niggling expiry date that is tagged to each and every one of our personal narratives.
Closer to reality, these musings translate to a host of different concerns. If the equation of success involves the function of solitude (to have the time for mastery over a particular discipline), are we then postponing the realisation of dreams for our goal-driven friends when we “coerce” (peer pressure and constant badgering can be considered so) them into joining social events?
All too often, many of us would have tried to guilt-trip or tempt a friend into joining us for a “legen-wait for it-dary time!” or an “once-in-a-lifetime adventure!”. Is doing so an actual projection of our definition of fun onto others? Should this be considered kind or selfish?
As I muse about this reality-distorting perception, my mind started to introduce some balance into this one-sided debate. Thus far, the concept of success introduced to us (Singaporeans especially, but also applies to the majority of our species) is determined by results.
If, through hardwork, perseverance and grit, one manages to earn respectable sums of income or reach a socially-admirable stature or gain widespread, positive recognition, then one is considered to have “succeeded”. Yet, if one should put in equivalent amounts of hardwork, perseverance and grit and achieve nothing worthy of society’s attention, one is then considered to have “failed”. As you can see, this is what I call an “outcome-dominant” model of thinking, and it is what most of us have been programmed to use. A rather stressful - fatalistic even - “hit-or-miss” mindset, one might say.
A less popular but perhaps also less myopic model of thinking with regards to “success” will be the “process-dominant” model. The collective “wastages” of our lives (well, I believe that time we enjoy wasting is time well spent!) can be perceived as building blocks towards eventual, superficial success. Failures are, after all, the pain in life that reminds us that we are still alive and that we are still improving. Of course, the boundary between self-delusion and self-encouragement is separated by the finest of lines. Thread carefully; thread softly.
Finally, “success” can also be defined by other less-conventional matrices. Wealth is but the lowest denomination of “success” that is agreed upon by society at large. Higher denominations of “success” are judged by concepts such as happiness, quality of living, achievement of dreams, and other less tangible rubrics.
In life, there are many different kinds of marathons we can run in. The ones trailing in the marathon where we find the general masses participating - well, these people could be the ones who have learnt to run their own race, at their own pace.
So yes, success is indeed lonesome - but only if you choose to play the “rich man’s game”.
“Success”, for me, will be when I come closer into realising the motto of my alma mater. I may not have in mind a field where I aspire to be a force of change in yet, but I trust that as long as I continue to exercise my passion and my will for excellence in the things I believe in, the goal is achievable.
Auspicium Melioris Aevi - “The Hope of a Better Age”.
Names evoke emotions. Names serve as a hotline to the collective experiences that we have been through together and triggers our mental impression to resurface in our mindscape. Names are hyperlinks to the past in the world wide web of our intertwined lives. And while all it takes to clear the cache and delete past history in our internet browsers is to click a button, the same could not be said of our past narratives.
Why do we want to forget something? Doesn’t every incident of old function as a cumulative building block of our identity? Then again, not everything can be construed into constructive experiences. Even with alchemy and the fabled Philosopher’s Stone, not all things can be turned into gold - lead is still required to serve as the base. And not all experiences are made of lead.
Well, maybe it is part of nature’s plan for all things to be regulated by a cycle of decay and rejuvenation - so even the sweetest wine may turn into spoiled vinegar one day; even the most fragrant of roses will wilt in desolate conditions; and even the pretty can sour in the bitter passages of time.
And all that is familiar is gradually clouded in impenetrable mists and when we stumble out of the intimidating fog, we look to see that all around us has changed perceptibly - the road that was is no longer, countenances of companions have turned amorphous, and the stars above no longer form recognisable constellations.
I guess for all my rhetoric on evolution and enrichment, change still feels like an anathema. Or perhaps, a more nuanced perspective might be that the change I prefer is convergent change. But all around, divergent change is happening unto us. What happened to all those pinky promises and platinum pledges? Do emptied memories beget empty promises?
What a convoluted, convoluted post.
…are mind-blowing!
It’s truly fascinating to immerse yourself into a whole new world of mystique, intrigue and magic (literally and figuratively). You learn how amazing your hands can get as you shift your fingers in ways and angles that you have never tried before and as you get familiar with the body of the cards. You start seeing things in novel ways as your mind undergoes a paradigm shift. Perhaps a little more self-consciousness is injected into you as you evaluate your every trick multiple times before you are confident enough to perform it “under the heat”, as magicians may call it.
If I may use an analogy, it would be as if discovering for the first time that the rainbow isn’t really made up of seven colours, but rather seven bands of colours, which from afar can never be distinguished by the naked eye. Nuances are often lost in displacement, and learning magic helps to regain this perspective, one might say.
Essentially, the mind and body is so much greater than the average individual may comprehend. After all, heavy conditioning in our youth towards education-oriented behaviours have led us to adopt certain styles of thinking, and hence particular ways of using our brain. In actuality, these ways utilise a mere fraction of our maximum mental capacity - well, the proliferation of examinations and ever-increasing spotlight on results have since resulted in premature streamlining and specialisation of the mind.
Of course, learning magic is not the only way to explore about our mind and body in greater depth. Sports and the arts are also excellent platforms. In fact, a hasty generalisation might be to say that the learning of unorthodox disciplines (by which “orthodox” would mean the usual combinations of science, mathematics and language) will unlock new possibilities in ourselves!
I’m not too sure how much of these speculations are actually grounded in facts and studies, but a cursory view of life in general might review the truth in them. In any case, it’s time for my unearthly hour sleep (it’s 3am!!!) before I awake to another week of work. How dreary… but life goes on.
C’mon, the glass is half-full. We have to keep that in mind, always.
P.S. I ALMOST FORGOT. I am currently practising this rather interesting feat of magic and I will be needing help from a few friends! So don’t be surprise if I enlist your help this coming week! And don’t worry, it’s going to be great fun :D
Again, it’s another “spring in the gait, and glow in the heart” feeling after our Scamerators’ outing, though I think the fatigue carried over from the previous night’s stayover as well as the nature of certain HTHT is also making me feel a little reflective and emo - the feeling is like gentle waves crushing on naked shores.
It’s 1.25am now and there are still quite a lot of people online. But just like the feeling of being lonely in a crowd, there isn’t anyone online whom I can share heart-thoughts with. Sometimes, looking at these lists and seeing names of people whom I used to share my deepest emotions with, I find it achingly sad to realise how far we have drifted apart and how wide the intangible distances are between us now.
I know I’m not doing anything to bridge this gap and I feel guilty about it on occasions. But I guess it’s because everytime I think about it, the entire tedious process of updating ex-VIPs of my life about recent narratives just makes me feel an overwhelming sense of lethargy. It’s painfully fascinating to see how the order of your friends reshuffle like cards in a deck as context and circumstance change.
The paradox of life is that not everyone can be the Ace of Spades or the Queen of Hearts of our lives - because if they were, the value of these cards would be reduced to the insipid Three of Diamond or the monochromatic Four of Clubs. Just as in Economics where a good’s value is determined by its scarcity, we find this to be the same with all else in life too.
And while newer friends may resonate as well as or better than older friends, time rewards relationships with a gift of familiarity such that the nuances of the heart can be shared more habitually and instinctively.
Alright, eyes are threatening to shut. I’m not sure what I’m writing anymore.
Borrowing the title of a popular Glee song, let us Don’t Stop Believing.
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19 years old | 20 Feb '90
MBS, RI, RJC
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