Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

Bon voyage.

~

Life is getting unnecessarily complicated. 

Anyway, here’s a little preview of my upcoming template!

Yep, that’s the draft cover page. There’s still the Flash/After Effects animations, PHP coding to turn it into a Wordpress template, other pages, and general website development stuff. Quite excited about it though! New ground was broken and new ideas were pursued to turn this thought-template into reality.

1-2 more weeks to completion.

~

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two

---

A boy posed a challenge to his girlfriend to live a day without him. No communications at all and he said that if she passed it, he’ll love her forever. The girl agreed. She didn’t text or call him the whole day, without knowing that her boyfriend had only 24 hours to live because he’s suffering from cancer. She excitedly went to her boyfriend’s house the next day. Tears fell as she saw her boyfriend lying in the coffin with a note on the side saying, “You did it, baby. Now, can you do it everyday? I love you.”

---

A shooting star shot across the speckled sky of his technicoloured world. He was dazzled; he was mesmirised; he was taken in. But in that split second before he could wish upon it, a twin star could be seen following in companionable pursuit. He knew then that it was not meant to be. This sprinkled stardust was not meant for him. He just happened to be caught up in this constellation of poetic mess.

---

Perhaps it is the moment when the heart flutters at the sight of that ethereal smile;
Or when the willowy silhouette calls to mind a thousand verses of lovelorn poetry.

Perhaps it is the moment when the heart grows warm at the brush of the maiden’s precious sigh;
Or when the velvety touch of her fingers feel so right in the spaces between yours.

Perhaps it is the moment when the aroma of romance lingers for seconds too long in the folds of the mind after chance meetings;
Or when the perfume of scented shampoo summons dreams and hopes for intertwined futures with her. 

When does love begin?

Love is as much a matter of choice as a matter of circumstance. Sometimes, we postpone decision-making for too long and find ourselves losing sovereignty over the choice. In fact, we could wait forever for a fateful moment only to find it fizzling in an instant of misunderstanding; or we could act on an impulse only to invite for unwarranted consequences. 

Life is too puzzling and spontaneous for mere mortals like us to divine and predict the future using whatever scraps of knowledge we have glimpsed. Yet, perceived conventions, imagined anxieties and crippling indecision often conspire to blind us from seeing the choices that have always been in front of us. 

Perhaps all we really need is someone or something to tell us what we should do, and to be the traffic light of our speeding hearts - to tell us when to go, when to stop, and when to slow down. 

The moment - unknowingly, unexpectedly - might have crept surreptitiously into your life. And there’s little you can do about it but to make up your mind.

---

(via Not written in the stars)

All is not lost, yet.

The beautiful ending, awaits.

The fairytale, beckons.

---

(via p.heartache)

Because perfect girls don’t exist, but there’s always one girl that is perfect for you.

---

I’m certain that most of us have come across this curious social phenomenon called ‘flirting’ before. It’s curious because for many of us, its seems to be a programmed response during social interactions with the opposite sex. You look into those exotic whirlpools which she disguised as eyes; you say things to hear her sweet laughter; and you are intrigued by everything she does. 

Just kidding. That’s what we call infatuation or ‘intense liking’, as someone likes to label it. But anyway, flirting probably involves these elements albeit in much more diluted forms. Since they’re so similar in nature and vary only in intensity, I guess it’s only inevitable that what might appear to one as friendliness may be misconstrued as something more to another.

And it is this something more which seems to sometimes destabilize friendships that are slightly rose-tinted, either by unwitting choice or uncontrolled circumstance. Before that, this unfortunate/fortunate occurrence may occur due to internal forces (mutual attraction that carries slight romantic notions) or external events (rumours or forced coupling). And since we like hiding our true intentions behind filtered screens of thoughts and considerations, our opaque actions only serve to fuel the mystique and possibilities of love.

By the way, I’m just theorising as usual. Random musings triggered by unexpected HTHT. Nothing personal (:

I believed that love was overrated,
Till the moment I found you. 

---

(via p.heartache)

Medicine people should take a look at this. Awesome.

Complex emotions. Pulsing romance. Secret longing.

---

Human beings are such vulnerable creatures. We have our needs and insecurities, which are so often anchored to the actions and expectations of others. So much of what we do is in actuality a manifestation of our desire to seek approval and acknowledgement. Few can truly claim that they are independent of others. The adage “no man is an island” resonates here.

And because we are vulnerable, we find ourselves creating arbitrary rules and drawing discretionary boundaries in a bid to extend some sort of protection for our fragile hearts. Yet, just as the market could plunge so abruptly, there are times that these personal directives will unexpectedly fail as well.

In love, I’d often tell my lovelorn friends to “seek a fire to flood the flame”. There are times in our lives when we find ourselves so enamoured by unique individuals that our faculties of rationality and thought appear to malfunction. No advice would – or could – sink into the carapace of our hearts, and any distraction merely provides temporary respite.

These special persons have, in this analogy, left an alluring flame in the Stygian crypt of our hearts and, drawn by the sole source of light, we foolishly let our minds sway to the hypnotic dance of the teasing flame. The only solution, it seems, will be to seek a competing source of warmth that can dwarf the tantalising magnetism of the flame. Hence the need to “seek a fire to flood the flame”.

But things don’t always work out the way we want them to, does it? The fire may eventually wane and extinguish – time and distance have that effect – while the flame grows and intensifies. What should you do then?

But I guess the greatest irony is that as much as we are drawn towards the fire or the flame, we may also fear to approach them. For some, it’s the fear of rejection. For others, it is the fear of failure – of hurting the other party should the relationship disintegrate.

Yet, if we were to be constantly hindered by such fears and insecurities, life would remain dull and monotonous. A squeaky clean life is a boring life, and a boring life is an unfulfilled life. A good philosophy to adopt might be this: In life, there is no failure, only feedback. Every failed endeavour should be looked at as a rich source of feedback that will contribute towards our eventual success. Nothing that is broken cannot be fixed, so long as we work towards it with heartfelt sincerity and refined delicacy. Even broken hearts and relationships will heal with time.

Of course, this is not a license to be careless with relationships. It is simply an acknowledgement that the quest for perfection will sometimes lead to greater imperfection. Open up your heart and free your mind. Success only comes to those who dare to give up everything. This is true for all things in life.

But sometimes, I wish we had a fire extinguisher in the caverns of our hearts.
Because everything will become so much simpler… won’t it?

---

So… 2009, what can I say? It was good and it was bad. It was a period of countless contradictions and game-changing experiences. It was something different. Looking back, 2009 felt uncomfortably long - longer than 2008, or 2007, or any other year before. In the past, when we still had school, the year would be characterised by distinct events that were nicely distributed across twelve months. Comparatively, the present feels like a never-ending monologue of cliches and regurgitated lines: wake up, breakfast, travel, work, lunch, work, travel, dinner, play, work, sleep. But I guess when you think about it, life is all about repetition and routine. The only difference lies in whether you enjoy them or not. And it felt long.

As I look back at 2009, I can’t help but notice that change has been a particularly constant theme this year. The most obvious change will be the change in paradigms - in terms of habit, perspective and the way of life - from the student template to the soldier one. In the absence of structure, meaning and goals, which schooling conveniently provides, there were times I felt disoriented and somewhat misplaced. Yet, I find that it is only by entering strange lands will you begin to discover your true personality, your true identity - for the unknown often invites the truth. And the truth is what we seek.

At least that’s what I think. Society has us all covered in so much grime and dirt that we often confuse someone else for ourselves. All the social stereotypes, elementary typecasting and perennial facades… is it actually possible to be ourselves? To be our true selves? Questions, doubts and more questions. But in the wise words of a colleague, I’m still 19 and I’m at the age where it’s better to question everything than to accept things blindly.

The thing about us human beings is that we only truly understand something after we have experienced it. Words and media are mere substitutes trying to pass off as the avant garde. 2009 was a year with many unique experiences, and it was also a period where I got the time to consider the warps and wefts of my life in greater depth and detail. If I were to pour all my thoughts out in words, they would probably be enough for a book. Instead, I shall condense these experiences and understanding under my favourite tripartite headings - life, love and the universe.

Life Lessons

I have learnt that…

• idealism isn’t the norm and that most people I know (or just Singaporeans) are rather cynical and pragmatic (permeation of values from government policies perhaps?).
• most friendships have a plateau and that we shouldn’t expect too much from these relationships. But there will be a special few who will make you wonder how your life could ever be without them, and you know any limit will merely be arbitrary.
• if you applied the return on investment model onto the spectrum of relationships you have, it will make you realise that some of them are taking too much out of you and that it’s time to let go. Think high investments, low returns.
• success is a subset of excellence even as the world may believe otherwise.
• if you have the courage to pursue the things you like, you would have everything. Courage is not the willingness to do the things no one else dares; courage is the willingness to do the things you fear over and over again, even if you keep on failing and your fear keeps on magnifying. That’s courage.

Love Realisations

I have realised that…

• the wait is painful and the wait is lonely but still, we have to wait. Don’t give in to external influences (read: peer pressure) and find someone just for the sake of it. Because somewhere out there, there’s someone waiting for the right circumstance to meet you and that all she’s asking is for you to be patient right now, and to be daring when the time comes.
• we don’t really know our heart as well as we think we do. The mind isn’t built to read it - it’s too rational and analytical whereas the heart is foolish and unpredictable. The key lies in reading your actions: the things you do and the things you don’t, because thoughts reveal nothing you don’t already know but actions tell it all.
• the perfect girl isn’t someone who appears from a fairytale and whom you fall in love with immediately. Perfection is a construct between two idealistic persons who are willing to believe in something larger than the both of them, something larger than the world. Perfection is also acceptance in the truest sense.
• in love, other’s opinions shouldn’t matter at all. Just that it is still hard to translate understanding into action, sometimes.

The Universe And Some Thoughts

I have been thinking that

• there is a God. But this God is not the one that the various religions worship and preach about. Religion is still, I think, a fabrication of Mankind.
• people often mistake solitude for loneliness and strive to eradicate the existence of either, which is really a mistake because solitude is the space that allows us to learn from ourselves and grow - reflecting about life, remembering the good and relegating the bad.
• the past is the blueprint for the present, and the present is the building block for the future. Let us live life knowing that the choices of today create the chances of tomorrow and that it is up to us to translate chances into visible changes. Even then, the present must not be thought of as merely instrumental but also intrinsic.

So that was 2009. This is 2010. And I have this feeling that immense changes are coming their way this year, and I’m looking forward to them (:

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.
Leo F. Buscaglia

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